“Kim," a North Korean defector living in South Korea, still cannot forget the events of June 2002. A university student at the time, Kim joined friends in crying out "Daehanminguk!" (Republic of Korea!) in the streets to cheer during the Korea-Japan World Cup. He had the strong feeling that he truly had become a citizen of the Republic of Korea.

But then hostilities broke out in the West Sea on June 29, 2002. Six sailors from the Korean navy were killed in battle, and another 18 were wounded. During the third-place playoff between South Korea and Turkey that day, Kim was unable to join in the cheering on the street. His relationship with his friends had grown awkward. They avoided the topic of the hostilities in front of him, and vice versa. One other thing weighing on his mind was the fact that around thirty soldiers from the North Korean army had been killed or injured that day. At that time, he realized, "I'm never going to be a complete citizen of South Korea."

"Since that day, I've felt that I will have no choice but to live as just a 'Korean,' neither South Korean nor North Korean," Kim said.

"Park," another defector who came to South Korea this year and settled in a major provincial city, makes a living doing restaurant work. Following the Nov. 23 artillery attack on Yeonpyeong Island, Park has felt ashamed whenever customers insulted North Korea, feeling that they are somehow blaming him. "I'm terrified thinking of how I'm going to live in South Korea in the future," Park said.

In contrast with Kim and Park, there are also those who are more actively establishing their identities as "just Korean," like a kind of "bridge between South and North." One such person is 29-year-old "M," a defector who nurtures a dream of becoming a "barista" while working at the cafe Bliss & Bless, a social enterprise.

M fled North Korea in 1998 and has been living in South Korea since 2000. South Korean friends who learn that M "came from the North" ask various questions, eyes wide with curiosity, and M answers as sincerely and seriously as possible. "If we're going to prepare for reunification, we have to know each other well, and the better we know each other the less sense of distance there is, too," M said. "People like me have to play the role of bridge."

For a time, M saw a number of friends leaving their North Korean origins off their resumes and including only their work in South Korea. However, M had no thought of hiding the fact that he had "come from the North." He had one disconcerting experience when he submitted his resume to a large company after studying Chinese literature at Sogang University. Three of the four interviewers were interested solely in his origins rather than his capabilities. "Oh, you're from there," they said. "This is a first for us. Are things really tough over there?"

M did his best to satisfy the interviewers' curiosity at various companies, but the result was always elimination. "They found me strange, and frankly I think they didn't trust me," M said.

"I wasn't born here, so it's natural that I wouldn't try to hide the fact that I'm from North Korea," M said.

"But even though we pay all our taxes and have resident registration cards and live as citizens of South Korea, our title is 'people from the North,' and I don't think that's ever going to change," M added.

M quit a respectable company job and began working at the cafe two months ago. His income was in effect halved. Friends were shocked. "What are you doing?" they said. "You should be wearing a suit and working at a company."

M thought differently. "There is no concept of lifetime employment in South Korea any more," he said. "I thought that if you're going to start up a business, it's better to start when you're young rather than waiting until you're older, even if you do have to struggle a bit."

M's decision to open a business was based on a rather lofty dream. "I want to earn a lot of money and go back home as someone who succeeded in this society, so that I can become someone who helps in my hometown's development," he said. "I also want to help 'our kids' [young defectors] to study the way they want and do the things they want to do."

But people like M who are not rattled by South Koreans' "perverse curiosity" are still few and far between.

"When I buy things at the market, they always ask me, 'Are you Korean-Chinese?'" said a female defector who settled in South Korea after fleeing North Korea in 2002 and spending four years in China and Mongolia. "I'm really sick of hearing that."

Jo Eun-hee, an Ewha Womans University Institute of Unification Studies research professor who studies identity issues among North Korean defectors in South Korea, said that South Korea's current policy for North Korean defectors "is seriously flawed in that it is an assimilation policy that tells people to abandon everything North Korean."

A tracking study by the team under Yonsei University College of Medicine professor Jeon Woo-taek found that North Korean defectors in South Korea have lower expectations for post-reunification mutual understanding between South Koreans and North Koreans the longer they stay in South Korea.

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Essential Vocabulary

defector: 탈주자, 탈당자/awkward: 불편한/rattle: 흔들리다/assimilation policy: 동화정책/perverse curiosity: 옳지 않은 호기심 (올바른 방향의 호기심이 아닌 것)