Why an arrangedmarriage is more likely to develop into lasting love
“Arranged marriages” are seenby many as business deals that have little to do with love.
But arranged marriages are far more likely to lead tolasting affection than marriages of passion, experts claim.
According to research, those in arranged marriages – or whohave had their partner chosen for them by a parent or matchmaker – tend to feelmore in love as time grows, whereas those in regular marriages feel less inlove over time.
And within tenyears, the connection felt by those in arranged marriages is said to be aroundtwice as strong.
Relationship experts claim this is because arranged matchesare carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’families, interests and life goals are compatible.
This means they are more likely to commit for life – and tostick together through rocky patches.
Those who marry for love, on the other hand, tend to beblinded by passion and so overlook these crucial details.
When the going gets tough, they are more likely to view thesituation simply as a natural end to their romantic dream – a way of fatetelling them something is wrong with the relationship.
With soaring divorce rates and record numbers ofsingle-parent households in the West, researchers suggest it is time to rethinkthe Western approach to love. Harvard academic Dr. Robert Epstein has studiedthe subject of arranged marriages for eight years, looking at the approachestaken in cultural groups including Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish.
He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arrangedmarriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings againstmore than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages.
His work suggests that feelings of love in love matchesbegin to fade by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in thearranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in theunarranged marriages at about the five-year mark.
Ten years on, the affection felt by those in arrangedmarriages is typically twice as strong.
Dr. Epstein believes this is because Westerners leave theirlove lives to chance, or fate, often confusing love with lust, whereas those inother cultures look for more than just passion.
He said: ‘The idea is we must not leave our love lives tochance. We plan our education, our careers and our finances but we’re stilluncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. I do not advocatearranged marriages but I think a lot can be learned from them.
‘In arranged marriages, thought goes into the matching. Inthe West, physical attraction is important. But people must be able todistinguish lust from love. Strong physical attraction is very dangerous, itcan be blinding.
‘In the West marriages are easy to get out of. But inarranged marriages, the commitment is very strong. They get married knowingthey won’t leave, so when times are harder – if they face injury or trauma –they don’t run away. It brings them closer.’
Francine Kaye, relationship expert and author of “TheDivorce Doctor”, added: ‘There is an awful lot to be said for arrangedmarriages. They are determined to make it work.
‘I have seen in arranged marriages in the Orthodox Jewishcommunity that the parents very carefully look at compatibility – it is notleft to chance. They do their homework on their characteristics, their values,morals and life goals.
‘It should be pointed out that arranged marriages workbecause culturally marriage is seen differently. We have a very romantic viewof marriage. Theirs is more pragmatic.
‘There is a downside to arranged marriages though –no matter how pragmatic you are in choosing a partner, there always needs to bechemistry.’
Article Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363176/Why-arranged-marriage-likely-develop-lasting-love.html
ImageSource: https://braveandboldthinking.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/arranged.png
VOCABULARY WORDS:
Affection (n.) ~ a tender feelingtowards another
Compatible (adj.) ~ capable ofexisting or performing harmoniously
Crucial (adj.) ~ extremelysignificant or important
Surpass (v.) ~ to do more than
Advocate (v.) ~ to speak or argue infavor of
Pragmatic (adj.) ~ dealing orconcerned with facts or actual occurrences
Downside (n.) ~ a disadvantageousaspect
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:
What is “arranged marriage”?
According to the article, why is itthat arranged marriages have bigger chances of becoming successful than lovemarriages?
Do you agree that being compatibleis more important than physical attractiveness? Why?
Would you consider marrying someone youdon’t love but liked by your family? Why?
